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I love the BDSM community. Overall the community is sex positive and open minded. Most people encourage sex positive growth and celebrate the differences in the community. I noticed that with the popularity of  certain types of books, some people might think that BDSM is an outlet to abuse their power. BDSM is not a community that encourages abuse. Unfortunately this is a real problem.

From my experience, I am going to share some things to look out for when looking for a dominatrix. If you see any of these red flags. Don’t hesitate to walk away. This includes online and phone dominatrix’s.
Red Flags that a Dominatrix or Dom are abusive:

Red Flags that a Dominatrix or Dom are abusive:

When looking for a new Dominatrix I suggest asking the Mistress about past experiences. Since I am a younger Mistress I will write from my own perspective and from what I have witnessed and experienced over the years.

Asking a potential new Dominatrix about past experiences is going to give you a good sense of what they are about. Are they candid and open to the question? I personally find my self reflecting after every scene. I am self-critical and reflective. If you ask someone this question and their answer is negative, all my exes are crazy or they seem to have more bad experiences then better. If they seem to be unaware or have an unwillingness to take accountability for their role in the situation. I would suggest to keep on looking or the very proceed with caution.

It is really important to talk about limits. Is your Mistress okay with you using a safe word? If she says yes– is she really okay with you using the safe word? Does this Mistress respect your limits and boundaries? A healthy BDSM relationship with a Mistress will be more than okay with you using a safe word. She will be supportive and respectful of your boundaries and limits.

Some red flags that a Mistress is not okay with you using a safe word or respecting your limits are obvious. Some might have you thinking you are the problem. A Mistress that takes you to your edges prematurely and plays out a role of rituals or activities that make you uncomfortable or even scares you. Possibly ignoring your safe word. This is wrong. Not being present and just going through the actions. This is wrong and can lead to possible abuse.
What is the attitude to the Mistress towards submissive?

What is the attitude to the Mistress towards submissive?

A good sign to look out for is how a Mistress treats her submissive before, during and after a scene. Is she appreciative of your submission? Is she kind and thoughtful? If the Mistress is highly critical and does not seem appreciative of you or other sub missives. if she seems to degrade you in ways that you have not previous talked about and agreed upon. If you find yourself feeling bad about your self because of the actions of this Mistress. I suggest you find a new person to play with. Especially, if you try to talk about it and her behavior doesn’t change she doesn’t own up to her behavior. Walk away.

This is a big thing to watch out for. How does the Mistress act when she does not get her own way? Say you used your safe word. Does she stop but continues to punish you in other ways? Does she withdraw or stonewall you. Does she tell you she need space and never has time to discuss the difficult topics that you need to discuss?

Every Mistress needs their time and space to reflect and this is normal and healthy but if you are being ignored because you haven’t done something your Mistress wants you to do. Something you have told her in the past is a hard limit. It’s time to move on. Sounds like you are dealing with a bully and not a Mistress.

I know some Mistresses think oh he is topping from the bottom. I am not writing about that at the moment. I am talking about abuse. And, that is one of the reasons, I really take my time getting to know anyone that I play with, either on the phone or in person. (No. I am not going to play with you in person if you meet me through LDW.)

My last Red flag to an abusive BDSM relationship is your Mistress constantly testing you? Do they flip out if you question them? Do they rage if you talk to someone about what is bothering them? Is it all about them?

There is one thing about wanting to please your Mistress and being submissive. There is another about being a doormat and not being able to express your doubts and fears. If she is constantly testing your loyalty or placing demands on you–setting you up to fail with tasks that you can’t possibly fulfill just to undermine you and treat you like garbage. That might be your thing and it might not be. But when it is not your thing, you need to speak up and talk about it or move on. If a Mistress is unwilling to listen and talk with you about your feelings. This is never a good sign. There is a real fine line between a healthy BDSM relationship and abuse. I encourage you to celebrate your kink and to practice self-love. Don’t settle for a psycho- Mistress that doesn’t give a damn about you. (That’s one of the reasons, I love LDW every Mistress here loves what they do and cares about the guys that call them.)

Unless of course, you are into that kind of thing. If you find yourself in an abusive BDSM relationship, I encourage you to get out. Take some time to heal and reflect. Keep looking for a Mistress that treats you as the awesome submissive that you are. There are a lot of great Mistresses out there that will care about you. Just take the time to get to know each other. Remember, If you are constantly walking away from a session feeling bad about yourself or doubting yourself, you need to talk to your Mistress. If you are walking away feeling good about the session. That’s great. You are in good hands. No need to look.

Thanks for reading and I would love to see comments on the subject of this post. Thanks for adding to the discussion. I want to capture your cock and penetrate your mind.

I will capture your cock and penetrate your mind. *wink*

Princess Andi

 

 

 

 

 

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